Mara was struggling. She was feeling anxious, revved up, restless and irritated. She wasn’t eating well, sleeping well or feeling well. She said that she felt as if she had a fever, although her temperature was normal.
And the worst of it was that she had her A-levels to sit in a couple of weeks, had a ton of revision to do and no motivation to do it.
After an hour of trying to study and feeling that she was getting nowhere, Mara decided to walk down to the coffee shop and see if any of her friends were there.
When she got to the coffee shop, she saw that there was a small group of people from her school having drinks, chatting and laughing. Rohan spotted her and called her over, everyone bunched up to make room for her to join them.
“What’s up, Mara? You look really fed up.” asked one of her friends.
“Seriously, you actually need to ask me that?” said Mara, looking around at the relaxed and smiling group and wondering what planet they were on!
Mara continued, “We have exams starting in two weeks time. Our A levels! The most important period of our entire lives! Mess this up and we will seriously ruin our lives! I can’t believe you’re all sitting here as if you don’t have a care in the world. In fact, maybe you don’t care, but I do!” Mara felt close to tears as she left the table and walked over to the counter to buy herself a drink.
Mara felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to see Rohan, looking concerned as he said, “Hey, I’m really sorry if I hit a nerve just then. I can promise you we do care, I guess that we all respond to stress differently. This isn’t like you to stress out, you’re usually the calm one! Please come and join us for a bit, we’re just talking about that workshop that Miss Baker put on yesterday, it really was pretty amazing.”
This made no sense to Mara. They were talking about some workshop when there were A levels to think about! They needed to get their priorities right in her opinion.
Mara decided that taking ten minutes out to sit with her friends and enjoy her drink couldn’t hurt. She felt herself relax a little as she went over to the table.
“Sorry guys”, she said as she sat down, “I didn’t mean to snap like that, but I really am confused. You’re all sitting here relaxing and talking about some workshop that has nothing to do with anything, and I’m thinking about the exams and all the study I have to do over the next few weeks. It really looks to me like you’re not taking life seriously!”
A few of her friends around the table laughed and one of them said, ”That is so funny, you do realise that the title of the workshop was ‘Taking Life Seriously’, don’t you!!”
“Of course I do”, replied Mara. “Miss Baker tried to get me to go but I didn’t see the point. I already know how to take life seriously and, if you guys all went and are acting like this, it obviously wasn’t a very good workshop!”
Mara felt the tears well up again and she felt like running out. What was going on here?
Jay, one the boys in her physics class and normally serious and committed to his work, started to explain.
“Sorry Mara, it’s a shame that you weren’t there because it was honestly the most helpful stuff I’ve heard for years! The woman that ran the workshop explained exactly where stress comes from and what we can do about it, which is basically nothing! I know it sounds crazy but it’s true”.
Mara took a deep breath. This was really irritating her. Had they forgotten that she was also studying human biology and psychology? Of course she knew where stress came from and, at the moment it was obvious to her that it was coming from these friends of hers who seemed to be on another planet.
“Of course I know where stress comes from! We’re about to start our A – levels for goodness sake! Anybody would be stressed, except it seems, you lot!”
“I’m happy to explain what the workshop was about if you want, or at least how I see it” said Hanna.
Despite herself, Mara accepted Hanna’s offer. Hanna seemed so chilled and relaxed that Mara found it almost hypnotic. She again decided that ten minutes out of her busy revision schedule would not make much difference.
The next half an hour sped by and was spent with the whole group chipping in excitedly as Hanna did her best to explain what she had heard in the workshop. As she listened, Mara felt herself relaxing, her mood lifted and she realised that what Hanna was saying did indeed have a truth in the words. It made complete sense and yet was so simple!
“Please tell us if this makes any sense at all Mara” said Hanna. “We’ve been talking about it all morning, it just seems so exciting and yet so normal!”
Mara thought for a minute and then said. “Well, I might have this wrong but it sounds like you’re saying that we are all connected to this universal energy that flows through all of us, although we can’t see it”. Mara paused and everyone nodded and smiled.
“Go on” encouraged Hanna “what else did you hear?”
“Okay” said Mara, “this bit sounds too simple, but what I think you said was that random thoughts come out of this energy constantly and there are probably thousands and thousands of them, most of them we’re not aware of. Now, some we become aware of and then we experience that thought as real and we believe it and then that is our reality, like that is how we see life.
And I loved this bit: because thoughts are random, we all have different ones and so all have different realities, our own unique realities! I think that exams are really serious and worrying about them makes sense, but you guys don’t seem to worry. That seems bonkers to me but it doesn’t mean I’m right, it just points to the fact that we all think differently”
Again, there were more smiles and nods.
“Now, this bit I’m still struggling with so bear with me. So, if we say that I have exams starting in two weeks time, that’s a fact. And if I think that they are going to be stressful I feel stressed now, even though I’m not sitting an exam right now! It’s like I’m feeling something that’s in the future, not even happening, how on earth does that work?!”
Everyone laughed and Rohan jumped in “I know” he said,” that blew my mind and I just couldn’t see if for ages until the workshop leader told me to stop worrying about it, it would come in time. Then, five minutes later I got what she was saying! We are feeling our thinking all the time, in fact 100% of the time, no exceptions! So, if I’m thinking about my exams as stressful I will feel stressed, if I am thinking that they’ll be okay, I will feel okay! Simple as that!”
“That really does sound too simple” said Mara, feeling a little tense again as she tried to work it out. “If I can’t help what thoughts come to me, then how can I help my feelings. I’m not choosing to feel stressed surely, who would do that?”
“That’s a great point” said Hanna, “But what I’m finding is that just knowing that I’m feeling stressed because I’m having a stressful thought really seems to help a lot of the time. So, last night I was feeling tense and worried when I thought about all of the work I had to do. I then remembered that it wasn’t the work that was making me feel that way, how could it, it doesn’t give off stress vibes or anything?! No, I remembered how the system works and that I was feeling my thinking and I started to relax and, guess what, got on with my work!”
“That’s what I’m finding” said Tom, “Of course it’s not surprising that we’ll all be feeling more stress than usual. We’ll be having more thoughts about the exams, going to Uni, not going to Uni etc, that’s natural. But, knowing that I don’t need to believe my thoughts or take them seriously, I can then ignore them and just get on with my work.
I’m not saying that it’s always easy, sometimes they seem really loud and attention seeking and sometimes I just need a change of scene, but they really can be ignored and, even if we’re feeling uncomfortable because we’re having uncomfortable thinking we can get on with stuff despite that”.
“This isn’t like meditating” said Rohan, “although I do love meditating. This is saying that the ‘state of meditation’ is in all of us all the time but we that we
don’t realise it, when we are so caught up in believing our thinking! I’m beginning to see that I can just quietly get on with things even if I am having a load of stressy thought. If I ignore them they really do pass through. If I believe them and focus on them they grow bigger, huh!”
“What works for me” said Hanna “is picturing my thoughts like passing clouds. I can’t control my thoughts any more than I can control the clouds. Sometimes there aren’t any clouds and, sometimes we can’t see the sky at all because the clouds are so thick. But they will pass, they always do, that’s just how it works. Oh, and the sky is always there, despite the clouds and actually takes no notice of the clouds, has no opinions about them!”
“Our natural state” went on Hanna, “is like the sky, always there and oblivious and uninterested in our thoughts. So, we can be like the sky more, ignoring and disinterested in our thoughts, just getting on with life, moments to moment”
Hanna sat back and grinned at Mara. “So girl, what d’you reckon?”
“I reckon” said Mara “that you are all barking mad but I love what you are saying and it feels so true and real that I think there might be something in it!”
Everyone laughed and Rohan had a word of advice: “The lady on the workshop” he said “explained that this isn’t a new subject that we can study and learn. In fact she said that that could make it harder to take on board! She said to just get on with life, be more like the sky and when thought clouds come wafting or crashing in with the corresponding feeling, just remember that they are temporary, not real and don’t need any attention”.
At this point they all agreed to go their separate ways and return to their studies. Mara said her goodbyes and walked back home, wondering what had just happened. She felt as if she had just been a part of something very special and potentially life changing.
She felt more calm, more hopeful and even excited about getting back to her studies and even the exams!! She wondered if this feeling would last and, as she started to feel tense, had a little laugh to herself and felt the tension lift.
