Here’s a tale from an ordinary life! You might find it familiar.
He had cooked dinner.
Vegetable korma with all of the accompaniments. Delicious.
But it wasn’t as spicy as he’d hoped, seemed a bit bland.
He felt disappointed with himself and familiar thoughts started to appear out of the nether regions of his mind.
What a shame. You’ve spoilt it. What a waste of time and money. You know you’re not good with spices. Oh well, another dinner ruined. Maybe you shouldn’t cook, leave it to others. The whole evening will be ruined now.
He dished up and she took a mouthful. He apologised for the korma being bland and asked her what she thought.
She said: “It is mild but that’s how I like it. It’s great. Delicious.”
He heard: “Yep, it is bland but I’m not going to say that because it’ll lead to a bad atmosphere. You always underdo the spices so I wasn’t expecting much to be honest. You’re not exactly the best cook in the world. In fact, I don’t know why you insisted on cooking tonight, you know I’m a better cook than you. I’m not even sure why you don’t just stop trying, it’s not good for us, all this trying. And I know you want me to gush praise and reassurance on you for the meal but that’s not my style and I hate it when you get needy and want me to pretend. I’m not even sure why we’re still together to be honest! It’s fine, I’ll eat it and we’ll move on.”
He felt a rush of anger at at what he heard (Note that his anger wasn’t at what she had said!).
What a b***h! I bloody well won’t bother cooking in future if she thinks it’s that bad!
He took a deep breath ready to let her know exactly what he thought of her response.
But then he heard a quiet voice somewhere in his mind.
“Not a good idea. Listen again to what she said”
He thought for a moment, trying to remember.
She had said: “It is mild, but that’s how I like it. It’s great. Delicious.”
Ooops, that felt weird. Why on earth was he feeling so angry if that’s what she’d said?
Maybe he’d misheard. Maybe she hadn’t said that his cooking was bad and that he was needy and that she wasn’t sure why they were still together!
So, did he want to respond to what she’d said or, to what he’d heard her say?
Which one was even true?
Aaaaaaaaaaa! So confusing!
The quiet voice appeared again. “Choose from your heart, not from your head.”
Immediately he felt calm and knew what to say.
“Oh good, I’m glad you like it.” He found himself saying.
They continued with their meal.
She said: “Have you done a pudding?”
He heard: ………………….!!!!!
Maybe that’s a story for another day!
